Hump Day Manifesto Nuggs

Wednesday is a great day to build on the slate that is taking root all over the world…or at least here in the home/office and parts of the backyard.  Herewith:

Anyone using the term “baby bump” will be subject to a fine and possible imprisonment.

All other words and terms — no matter how distasteful — are fair game for everyone, unless the utterer is so ignorant and inconsiderate as to intentionally choose the word solely for its incendiary, indecent impact.  Such people will be tattooed on the forehead with the same word.  Should this become a badge of honor for the perpetrator, the same procedure will be performed on the soft tissue of his/her upper rectum.

No longer will insurance companies’ stock be publicly traded and its well-compensated officers beholden to profit-seeking investors. Instead, they will be beholden to their aid-seeking policyholders.  Oil companies might be next, given the increasing urgency of the stuff to national security.  (Don’t worry, everyone effected will still make out like bandits…and no, this is not socialism, it’s de-listing)

Your religion is very good.  And so is yours. And yours, and yours too.  All very well thought out, lots of good characters and drama, some blood and wisdom. Nice work, people!  Fakhri, stop picking on Ezra, that’s his desk now.

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The end of the dialogue

Dang that pesky Obama.  We finally had a topic everyone could scream about, and he goes and silences the band of crazies in one fell swoop.

What’s the next hot-button topic to emerge that will have nothing to do with governing?

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Birthers might have a decent point.

Can you name another US president whose birth certificate was at the center of a scandal, or perhaps even the toppling of a government?  How about any world leader or even a lowly congressman?  How did this become an issue and why are we (they) trying to make it central to the conversation?

Is this how a certain faction of the GOP plans to fix the country?…by “outing” a man whose mother’s obstetrician’s office in a nascent state was not good with filing?

Unbelievable, distracting, stupid, and just not decent.

Let’s cut to the quick, GOP-style: if Obama does not have a birth certificate, he is not from here.  No other birth record has been discovered in Kenya or anywhere else, which means only one thing.

Obama is from another planet.

That would also explain the ears.

Run with that, Donald.

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Wednesday is War Day here at JBD2012!

Just another nugget for the manifesto…

There are two kinds of wars: Land grabs for riches — which have been waged for millennia — and the kind America fights in the name of freedom and/or democracy.  Let’s revert to the way it’s always been done: If we want the oil, take the oil, and stop pussyfooting around.  Lots of people are dying for causes that will never be realized.  Freedom and democracy are good and lofty goals, but highly unlikely in many cultures of the world.

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Tuesday Manifesto Nibbles

Nobody sleeps on Tuesday.  Herewith, the Decent Manifesto grows.

Entitlements.  If you signed a contract that guaranteed certain things like pensions, you deserve them — if you rightfully earned it, no one can rightfully take that away from you — even if that contract was for life.  That’s the decent thing to do.  But if you merely expected it to last forever: sorry, times have changed.

All chain restaurant waiters and counter personnel will be trained in two simple and decent reactions: If a customer orders a meal that collectively contains more than 60% of the RDA of calories, fat, salt or cholesterol, they will wince and maybe make a little throw-up sound.  If the order is for a child, they will give the parents a look, as if to say, “really?”

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Decent Manifesto Nugget

From time to time, we will post some of our agenda.  You won’t like it all, but if you are affiliated with any political party, you know you just have to take it.  We’ll just try to be decent about it.  Herewith…

All food and drink purveyors will offer only three sizes: small, medium and large…and in English.

We’re not for union busting, but we are for union leaders to step up and do their jobs.  My first professional encounter was with IATSE in the entertainment field. A rep explained that union labor was pre-vetted by the union, so you paid a premium for premium talent.  That made a lot of sense.  But I can think of no occasion where that proved true in my professional life — most times it was quite the opposite.  So, be Decent, unions: get your people to show up, do their jobs, only take their mandatory breaks, and learn that the go-go days of Detroit in the ’50s no longer exist for anyone.  Otherwise, you’re history.

Let’s just remove the “aisle” from the House and Senate.  Maybe if we called it the “isle,” more people would want to spend time crossing it.

Next up: The Royal Wedding, and why we shouldn’t watch.

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It’s GO time!

Not really, but we have finally empaneled an exploratory committee (sometimes called a commission) with a fearless leader (sometimes called a czar) to look into this whole mess (sometimes called the current state of affairs) and see if we can contribute to it.  I’m a little concerned about our committee’s czar because he tends to explore things a little too deeply and with cold hands; and that part about fearless raises some hairs when it comes to live ammunition and younger women.

Even so, he will be leading the committee and taking the temperature of the nation in a most personal and invasive way.  With that and a few deep squats performed by focus groups at malls across this great land, we should be ready to declare — or not — our intent to bring this nation back onto a decent path.

Decency is, after all, the name of the game, our goal, and something we should be able to trademark because no one else is selling it.

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